Into the halls of madness

I have been working on several post ideas recently, and have been unable to complete any of them for various reasons, though more often then not it is the Siren’s call of Call of Duty that lures me away from my efforts.  Hopefully i will be able to get them posted sometime this week or the next.  In the meantime, here’s the best muscle jesus picture ever accompanied with a post I just finished.



I have a professor, lets call him Dr. X, who, I am now certain, is completely insane.  His madness knows no bounds and he is therefore one of my favorite teachers.  It is not because he is an incredibly gifted instructor.  I could care less about nearly everything he says and he does nothing to garner my attention.  He is one of my favorites because his craziness is absolutely hilarious.

Firstly, I never know when he is going to show up.  He could have been in class upwards of an hour before time, or he could walk in 10 minutes late and think nothing of it.  Time has no meaning for the insane, unless of course it has become time to be even more insane, which crazy peaople have an internal clock for.  Example: Crazy man: “Huh, it feels like 2 pm.  Time to turn up the Crazy!”  Dr. X is quite punctual in this regard.

Pictured: a crazy guy

Secondly, Dr. X spends the majority of most classes shouting uncontrollably.  He gives lectures that keep the class on the edge of their seats, for to not pay attention is to suffer death by startleing.  Sometimes he will just shout one word: “Dionysus is the Greek god OF wine and theater.”  Sometimes he will shout many words: “the ANCEINT GREEKS HAD FESTIVALS WHERE PLAYS WERE PREFORMED FOR PIZES!!!!”  Sometimes he will shout things completely incongrues with whatever his brain was speaking of “WORLD WAR 2 ENDED BADLY IF YOU LIKED SAUERKRAUT OR LIKE-A DA SUSHI!”   Sometimes he will shout madness.

or both


Thirdly, the further he delves into the subject matter of the day, the more manic and fast paced his lectures become, until here is veritably leaping around like a mad igit, as the Irish would say, shouting about the merits of an environmental theatre construction.  He also seems to know in any given play who the set designer and costume designer were.  Dr. X accidentally ran into his favorite set designer one time while strolling the streets of London.  “Accidentally.”

And then, as quickly as the madness set in, it leaves him when class is over.  He calmly tells us that class has ended and its time to go, and that we will pick up next class period. I look forward to learning what other sort of antics he does as the year progresses, and will most certainly write them down to be shared.

Daily Perils Fully Realized

I learned in Astronomy today that in times long past people thought the earth traveled around the sun in an elliptical orbit.  This was news to me, because i always thought the earth traveled in a circle with the sun at the center.  There is nothing in the center of one of these hateful “ellipses,” only the black void of space.  The sun is somewhere to the right side of the ellipse, at what is called a “focus.”  Here is a diagram.

The terrible doom we could face yearly

The shaded areas are equal to one another, as is the time it takes for the earth to travel around them.  This is somehow due to gravity.  There, now you learned something today.  Anyway, as you can see, the earth comes dangerously close to the sun.   The diagram makes it seem as if one small wobble in the earths rotation, one tiny bump in the road could send the entirety of civilization careening towards a terrible and fiery doom.  I found it all horribly terrifying.  I sat trembling in a cold, dark auditorium, a lecture droning on at the front, wondering exactly how many times the Earth has come perilously close to an apocalyptic conflagration, courtesy of the sun.  I normally sit away from everyone else but if anyone had been sitting next to me, they would probably begin trembling too because of the sheer gravity of my fears.  It’s called sympathetic trembling (or ST).  Scientists have long been aware of sympathetic trembling (ST) and have learned that it is related somewhat to sympathetic yawning (SY).  The following scenario happens more often than you realize:  everyday Joe is sitting innocently and keeping to himself when to his left an unknown person shivers from a chill.  Suddenly everyday Joe’s body is wracked with violent tremors as his face contorts into a mask of fear and confusion.  The spells seldom last long, but the side effects can be devastating.

Lucky for everyone else I was by myself, though I did see a few people twitch.  Later, my professor told us that the earth’s path is more of a circle than an ellipse and that yes charles, we are perfectly safe from the sun’s terrible flames.  This gave me a sense of relief, but then I noticed that was wearing is tie backwards.

How trustworthy is a man who gives lectures with his tie on backwards?

"Who needs a third grade diploma?"

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